The offices of www.raverend.co.ke were slow as usual. Muthoni, Achieng and Nekesa were usually doing their fair share of building the nation with banter gossip, the president should give them a Golden Heart Spear for their immense contribution to the double digit rise on the GDP. As soon as I opened my office door, I received a text "Did u axe the guy???" From my secretary. Seriously, why couldn't she just ask me when I walked passed her a split second ago? *I blame Safaricom for starting a Texting Industry in the economy, hope all idle adolescents get employed here* "Axe? How did you know I was planning to kill someone?" *just a thought* "No, I haven't axed him yet, I'm not ready" I replied. "nooh, I meant ask him" she replied. Why am I even having this 'life changing' conversation anyway? And how did she even get employed as a secretary? Oh, my boss, inherited the Magazine Firm from his dad *Guys you make such wrong decisions in life after watching too much Jamaican Music* he actually thinks beauty is directly proportional to brains. I just cross my fingers she doesn't get a transfer to finance!
Flipping through the Daily Facebook Newspaper is always cool before tossing it outside my window just to give the city council something to do than hiking parking fees. But today it was more unpalatable than all this libido incentive music that hit the airwaves today *have I mentioned that new uncensored song by Dj Nruff*. Aha, a nice read 'MPs want their salary increased'. What? Really? How now Holy Indian cow? You were just sworn in last week? You earn an already taxed Ksh.230,000 without allowance included. Do these guys know that the average Kenyan, me included survive on office meals? *my own statistics of course*? And if the economy continues digging deep all the way to China, we might not even have these office meals! I won't even through this page away with the rest of the paper. I'll use my hands to get it softer than it is so that I get to use it in the toilet, cause this is pure shit, in-washable by a Muslim *no offense*
Through the pages, I continued seeing things that Mau Mau didn't die for. Bizarre articles "KenyanPorn" "KumaMoto +18 Only" "Gays, Sugar mummies and Daddies hookups". This really posed a question on what is happening to our society. Jesus, if you can hear me, its crazy out hear, maybe even worse than Sodom and Gomorrah! Funny how the citizens and church would complain about a condom advertisement but do nothing about these? O.o
[phone ringing. ringtone =====> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKFmLwjLp8s |Swedish House Mafia-Save The World] [My friend Wafula, I had promised him some money]
*I pick it up*
"Halo"
"Niaje. Ile pesa, uliniahidi itakuwaje?"
"Sijasahau. Ntakutumia. Si unajua how Nairobi is"
*Tone changes to sarcasm*
"Ebu niambie, mimi sijawahi kuwa huko, nitajuaje?"
*Loosing my temper as [usual]*
"Buda sina doh! Nikipata, ata sitalipa rent ntakutumia cause you are way important than my shelter"
"Thanks wewe ndo huyo msee. Usisahau kunitumia, na lala njaa, Kakamega maisha ni ngumu"
*try Nairobi*
"Cheki hakuna msee amedie huko Kakamega? Uende izo burials, ukanyemelee food. Manze Waf changamkia mazishi zote for now."
"Aargg wewe ni ma**** kaji****** atasitaki izo pesa"
*guy hangs up*
Waf, should really have his anger checked. Its so bad. To be continued............
@Kenyan_parody (on twitter, I might not follow back)
i like this. really do. now i cant wait to read the next 1.
ReplyDeleteHaha. Thanks, I'll try put up [3] tomorrow. But the sequel at some point must end ;(
ReplyDelete