Letter To The President

Wassup Man,
Sup, Mr. Kenyatta, is it safe now to call you president? See I'm a youth, lol, the real youth, haha soon turning 21 and just thought i should write you a letter, sir. I know this sucks, I can't wait for you to be sworn in, next time we'll communicate through skype(RAO's words not mine) #teamDigital. If I could I would give you a 21gun salute, but I only love guns in Call of Duty and yes, I'm the lazy type, but still all congratulations due. Tomorrrow is your big day. If you could go 30years or so back, I'm sure you wrote this composition at one your English classes. That's besides the point sir, see people, think I'm funny, why? beats me too, but I'm not a Kenyan comedian yet; well maybe cause I can't do voices, or maybe cause I don't find dressing as a girl funny, or maybe cause I don't fancy applying charcoal on my face or(big or there) I just don't find lillac ties interesting as a topic :D. These are just some of the silly things that have made me not get employed, whoah I bleed for those who suffer under nepotism, tribalism [ I'll stop there cause clearly there no  more words ending with the suffix -ism]
I have some issues I have to raise. I'm always friendzoned sir, this is really blowing my self_esttem away man, lol, #joke. Seriously, did you watch the news yester-night? I know, ata mimi CIKUnotice Ciku :D. The man on topic, the late hon. Saitoti was my Mp. Sir, I would like justice to be served. How now cow? you ask? I don't know, you're the president. Some names cropped up, so there you have it a starting point. But the question here is not if you're going to eat that slice of pizza, but if do we really need Jicho Pevu to always tell us these sad truths? Isn't these, the works of the CID and NSIS to release to the public? And there they were named in the conspiracy. Is this the price we pay for wanting to be a developed state, and getting closer to vision 2030? I honestly thought it was 3 tits on women, what a wy to burst my bubble.
Then comes your manifesto? 100days, whoa, laptops, 5stadiums, wi-fi in towns. If i wasn't stupid, I'd say balls, were pressed here, but oh well. Have you entered facebook lately? If yes do you still think those are the things that should be tackled first? By now you know, I didn't vote for you. I held on to hope when the petition was disclosed, but oh well. I hoped for some other form of democracy, but that Greek guy really did a number on us CORDashians :(. I'm glad to tell you, I've accepted you as my president. If I was you I would push for National healing in the first 100days, but hey that's just me. If you've being on facebook lately and specifically some pages, you would see how certain tribes are at each others throats[as if their Adam's apple isn't doing a good enough job]. The comments are usually funny, but the funniest part is, the international bodies that are "apparently" on your case only know the Maasai tribe.
I hear, people talk and people are hurt maybe even more than 2007. And the still waters should run more questions than the answers. Look sir if you're a fan of my blog [Hydrant], you read my post a letter to Nnandi. Nnandi is my future daughter sir, how long due I don't know yet, but thing is I don't wanr her to get into Kenya when it's in destructions. See sir, I don't like Uganda, actually[sorry Mbabazi] I hate there, well cause there is no beach there and the bitches there[see what I did there sir] have fat asses. I don't trust women with fat asses since Vera Sidika came into the entertainment world.. So you have a hard task in front of you, "uko TIYARI" eeh? Though I honestly think you can mend this sir, start by the wrongs of your father in Nyanza province maybe.. Btw I'm an econmics student I'll be done with school in the next 2years[na hint employment hapa].
When I said I'm friend-zoned, I was asking if your daughter eehh. Is there any chance she is in K.U? *okay i stop*
Yours truly,
A Kenyan who believes in your Leadership,
@Kenyan_parody