Dear Nnandi,
by the time you're reading this letter, NASA has already abducted me to study my 193 IQ, but don't you worry child as much as I am dark and slightly hairy, I won't take the banana they offer me :D. Or I'm just dead asleep in my room. By the lack of the F, B and N words, you've clearly realized this not the lyrics to Tupac's hit record. Let not the few riches I've amassed within the years deceive you that you were born on a silver plate, hahaha you were born in a hospital :D. But your birth was the best thing ever. from that day I stopped calling your mum Toto, and you earned the name. Your mum, oh your mum, I'm still skin deep into her and every beat of the 72 are her. I hope you also find someone.
I know many have asked you why the name Nnandi? oh well, first you have to know i have no intentions of enrolling you to the Kenyan athletics team. Of-course this means you can run late to work :D. Your mum and I hated Western World names, imagine they called me Fidel and I'm not even Cuban ;(. Independence from the West is one of the few things I had in common with Mr. Uhuru Kenyatta[you'll read about him in history class] but I still look good in my Italian suit #dead
Now that the world is a global village, you'll probably be on skype. Yes skype, now skype, see as you'll come to see before the 2013 elections Kenya was under uncertainty if we'll be ruled through skype[again don't sleep in history class esp this lesson]. I bet you'll have a friend from China called Yung, and just like Yung, how I wish you'd be young forever ;(. See as I write this, there is no female pillar in the society. I think the women today misunderstood what Mother Teressa was giving. It's unfortunate that women like Rihanna are the pillars, guess she really can't be beaten down. Apparently most women are today have the D generation going on, what a degeneration of a generation. I can only imagine your generation. This is why, I hired a private investigator for you to find the woman who wrote The Letter To Huddah Monroe and Shee[who is this Shee?] google it and read it. The whimsy me wants to believe that she is either way too ugly or just morally upright :D
Now that ugly is a subject, Nnandi your bald head is not ugly. Look at Amber Rose, I just didn't want you to put a weave when you are still young. Oh I also got you bald so that I could laugh and the boys in scholl would friendzone you. Hence you maintain your educational goal. Please don't get mad, when you finish high school, I'll tell you what the female pawpaw told the male pawpaw....Grow some.. Hair that is. Nnandi stay focus.
So now you're in campus. Nnandi, daddy hates the girls who open and close the clubs, don't be that girl. Don't be that girl who when she takes water it becomes a surprise to your liver. Sex lives in campus, forget what your friend, music and movies tell you. Remember Fidel Halwenge is your daddy wnever a silly man will ask you that question cause he will *scratching that thought*. If you're practising, listen to your science teacher, protected then. If you haven't started yet. Don't, think of it this way, what if God wanted to bring Jesus again in the world through a woman, wouldn't you want to be a possible candidate? Your move Nnandi.
It only makes sense that the world will keep rotting by the time you are born. Toto, be strong. Today we have crime, murder, use of drugs[in Kenya its weed time], prostitution[almost got legalised smh] and the new Sheriff in town being homo. stay away from this, I know you human but some of this madness you can keep away from. These are all short cuts in life, short cuts from hard work, short cuts from wanting to wait for your planned opposite sex e.t.c. Mimic Jesus[the awesome guy who died for you], when He didn't take the myrrh on the cross to ease the pain. Patience pays, you'd understand this better if you were on a line at Equity bank hahaha :D
Last but not least, if you ever end up with metallic legs, like Oscar Pistorius, please don't kill your spouse. Trust me escaping prison would be really hard especially getting past the electric fence.
Yours Truly,
Future Loving Dad,
@Kenyan_parody(on twitter)
